JupponGatana Crack
by PooShark
Summary: Shishio realises that his last skirmish with Kenshin on the Rengoku has drained him of all his money. He sends the JupponGatana to get him more money. Involves Shishio making steak.


**AN: Hello. This will be in chapters. Yes.**

Disclaimer: Not owned. Or pwned. Or however you spell the stupid word.

"Now go forth my Juppon-Gatana, and raise money like you never have before!"

Shishio dismissed the Juppon-Gatana and slumped into a chair. Times were tough.

Ever since Kenshin and his group of friends including the Oniwabanshu stopped the Great Kyoto Fire and destroyed Rengoku, he was pretty much screwed for money. There were still so many essential bills to pay, such as the booze, the tobacco and the never-ending rolls of bandages. Or was it tissue paper? One can never tell.

So he decided with all his wisdom and knowledge of the business world and declared that all of the Juppon-Gatana were to find their own ways to raise money.

One by one the Juppon-Gatana were dismissed, each with their own twisted, _evil_ scheme to get money. Hoji was the twisted of them all and decided to hold a bake sale and sell lemonade. Lemonade with frilly umbrellas in them. Even Shishio himself twitched uncontrollably when he heard of Hoji's plan. It was truly the most evil of them all.

The next day Soijro was woken up to a series of clattering and a faint smell of burning flesh. He strolled to the main hall and looked at the source of all the commotion.

Shishio was in hysterics as he slashed through yet another hapless victim. The stench of cooked flesh was heavy in the air. He picked up the piece of hot muscle and handed it to Sojiro.

"Shishio-san…what exactly _is_ this?"

"It's steak. The strong eat the flesh of the weak, Sojiro. It is just that in this circumstance the weak just happens to be steak. Go and deliver this, will you? Don't forget to ask for tips."

Sojiro picked up the steak, placed it in a bag, and used his Shukuchi to run across Japan to receive 300 yen. It was a start.

He knocked at the door of the man who ordered the steak. A gruff looking man came out, handed Sojiro 300 yen, took the meat and slammed the door in his face.

Sojiro was just about to run 200 kilometers back when he noticed something horrible. Something utterly terrible indeed. He was not given any tips! Outrage! Horror! Spare change!

He kicked the door down, sliced the gruff man to pieces, and lugged his torso back to Shishio's lair, now re-decorated as a fancy kitchen. 

"Shishio-san! Here's more meat for the steak!"

Shishio grinned, took the money, and cooked up the gruff man's remains into a nice, thick, juicy hamburger. It seemed that in this case the weak really _were_ the food of the strong. Quite tastily so.

It was good that he was to be reminded of what he was doing this for. He was once a heartless hitokiri, killing countless hundreds just for the sake of showing the world of his power.

And now he was a chef. An evil, world dominating _chef._

Shishio grudgingly put on his horribly pink lacey apron and his also-horribly-pink chef's hat, and continued on with his work. He took a bite out of his own hamburger.

He spat it out. "Ugh. Nasty. Neither poison nor medicine."

Sojiro chuckled. "That's because it's not _supposed_ to be poison nor medicine, Shishio-san. It's supposed to be a hambur—"

"Oh, shut up and deliver it already."

He smiled, took the already-bitten hamburger and raced off once again into the depths of Japan.

Shishio laughed uncontrollably again. This was _oh so much _fun. He wondered how the other members of the Juppon-Gatana were doing.

Meanwhile, Kamatari dressed himself up into his costume and waited for his cue to come in.

"And here we have it…you've all been waiting for it…the one…the only…The Man Womaaaaan!"

Kamatari ran into the middle of the circus ring and dropped his clothing, revealing his most obscene and yet fascinating body parts that shall not be named due to the rating scheme on FanFiction.

"Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah!" The crowd shouted and screamed in awe and amazement.

He was truly loved by the audience. Selling himself temporarily to a circus was the best idea that he had ever had!

But Anji had an even _better_ idea.


End file.
